You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
