I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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