i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
