Banned from zoo.
Again?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
