Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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