so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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