I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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