and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
