OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize