did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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