I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
