Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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