So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
