some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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