my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I look better un-naked...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
