Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
