R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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