Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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