Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
