hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
