I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize