found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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