We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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