We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
