i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
