You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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