well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
