i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He uses pillows to masturbate.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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