his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
