Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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