Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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