And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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