Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Please, let me fuck your mom
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
