VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
