fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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