Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
