Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
