I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize