How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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