dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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