OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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