I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
