my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
