i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
