that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
