What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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