I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
