Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
