my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
