Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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