To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
