If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
