remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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