My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Randomize
