I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Two words: blizzard sex
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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