yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She announced her abortion via fbk
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
