i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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