Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Randomize
