I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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