He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
