U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
