My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
