i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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