i was born a porn star she said
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
