they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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