So drunk its hurt
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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