I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
