Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
