We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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