I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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