At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize