No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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