Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
NoShamevember. You game?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
