Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
