Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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