He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
