take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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