i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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