Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
