Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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