i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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